101 uses for Tony Abbott’s Green Army

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The Coalition has allocated $300m to its proposed Green Army, but what will its 15,000 members do? We have some suggestions. What are yours?

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Given the inability of its election candidates to explain their party’s climate change policies, it is clear that the Coalition needs some help in defining Direct Action.

When Greenway (NSW) candidate Jaymes Diaz last week was asked to explain Direct Action, the best he could come up with was “Green Army”, “planting real trees”, and “a solar panel.” On Monday, Wakefield (SA) candidate Tom Zorich couldn’t even get that far, saying in a debate doing the rounds on Youtube that “I haven’t got much to tell you about that”.

That’s really not surprising, given that the Coalition policy chiefs are unable to explain the policy either, and will be looking for good ideas to make it work under an energy white paper that Greg Hunt will call for should the Coalition get elected next month.

The one constant we do know about is the creation of Tony Abbott’s Green Army. The Coalition has allocated $300 million (yes, $300 million) to the Green Army, but what will its 15,000 members do?

So far, the Coalition has suggested that it will be deployed to pick up litter, plant trees (real ones according to Diaz), and to build things like boardwalks in mangrove swamps. “The Green Army will march to the rescue of our degraded land and polluted waterways,” Tony Abbott said (with a straight face) at its re-launch in July.

But what else could it do? We’d like your ideas of how the Green Army could be deployed. We’ll kick it off with a few ideas of our own, but we will really need your support to get to the goal of 101 great ideas. Please add here to comments, or tweet at #greenarmy.

Turn back the boats: Two slogans in one, axe the tax, stop the boats. The Green Army could form an impenetrable barrier – either on land or at sea – to repel the invasion of asylum seekers

moirReduce ocean levels by forming a human chain with buckets: As cartoonist Alan Moir suggested in last week’s SMH, the Green Army could form a human chain and use buckets to reduce rising sea levels.

Act as a mobile sea wall: To extend on Moir’s suggestion, and given that coastal erosion is one of the major threats to the Australian coastline, the Green Army could be deployed in brigades up and down the coast (or as a single force in worst hit areas) to stand in front of the ocean at king tides to protect vulnerable dunes.

Act as a human solar tracker: If each of the members held one module each, that would equate to around 5MW of capacity. If they followed the sun from dawn to dusk, they could boost output by around 20 per cent, and get rainy days off.  Given that the Coalition will likely scuttle the renewable energy target, the army and its mobile solar farm could be deployed to different states to give all Australians the benefit of utility-scale solar power.

Screen Shot 2013-08-20 at 11.07.35 AMChop down wind turbines: The Canberra Times cartoonist David Pope came up with his own suggestion last week, suggesting the Green Army could be used for chopping down wind turbines, given the hostility among many Coalition members, and aspiring members and advisors, to the deployment of wind energy.

And now, over to you ……

 

 

 

 

 

 

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9 Comments
  1. Ketan Joshi 6 years ago

    Considering the burly, aggressive connotations of a green army, perhaps they could physically assault carbon emissions, like real men?

  2. patrickg 6 years ago

    This is really disappointing. I assumed with his references to a strong green army, that Tony was, of course, referring to ents. A 15 000 strong army of ents, descending on the Mordor-like state capitals would be a powerful force indeed.

  3. Hilton Fletcher 6 years ago

    The Green Army could be allocated (recycled) plastic trays to fill with water and put in their freezers. The resultant ice can be used to replenish glaciers and the polar ice caps.

  4. Peter Castaldo 6 years ago

    They can cut down the real trees to make the sustainable boardwalks. Then we would have more space to plant more trees. Then encourage tourists to drop their rubbish when walking on the boardwalks so the people picking up rubbish have plenty to do. So now all those people wishing to do something good for the environment can feel like they have done something. I think only a coalition voter could fall for one of these useless jobs.

  5. Ron Barnes 6 years ago

    Yep Green Army Call it Conscription. Then get into a war of the Planets with Tony,s Invisible men that Breath Invisible Co2 at 100%. As a result of their chosen Air source suffer a lack of brain cells. When he has finished planting his trees he has to water them where is the water going to come from Tony. Well god will provide. Ok Boys poke em out commence watering.

  6. Bonzo 6 years ago

    Huff & Puff & Blow each other down, all the while ensuring not to emit too much CO2 or……CH4 (methane). A bit like ‘blue on green’ attacks, only deadlier.

  7. Phil of Brisbane 6 years ago

    Given that
    Australia’s average land temperature has risen by almost a degree in the last
    hundred years, the Green Army really needs to cut to the chase and start
    cooling the air in the vicinity of the Bureau of Meteorology reference climate
    stations. Air-conditioners delivering
    much needed cool air through the thermometer enclosures would have the added
    benefit of increasing revenue for cash-strapped electricity providers. Such simple targeted cooling could even be
    made to work so effectively as to bring down the average global
    temperature, thus completely discrediting the warmists. Green Army commanders will however need to
    manage community concern about the coming Ice Age.

  8. Diego Matter 6 years ago

    Because it is a Green Army they could start a war against the invisible nonexistant so called enemy!

  9. Donnie McLeod 5 years ago

    Schools need clergy to ensure science does not confuse Australian children. The Green Army could do this. It would ensure The Coalition was blindfolding supporters at a young age.

Comments are closed.

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